dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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