Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
