I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
