i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
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I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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