I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
