Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
