my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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