I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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