You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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