apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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