I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
