i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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