Dual....:-)
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the day after is always just damage control
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
