Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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