I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
