Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.