kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart