OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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