she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
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The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize