My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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