you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize