I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
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I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
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At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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