I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
