I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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