i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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