for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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