you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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