Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
