Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
