A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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