tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
even my farts smell like vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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