Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
