Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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