Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize