My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
