I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
