I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome