If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere