i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
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People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.