he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.