my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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