ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
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Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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