I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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