shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
