Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
