At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
