ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
