She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.