watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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