Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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