just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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