I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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