Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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