I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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